Diane

Things have not been going that well for me lately.  Nothing serious, just a near constant migraine.  Went to the ER for the first time in 32 years because of it.  They have gone from an annoyance and occasional interferance to making me miss out on 2-4 days of the week entirely and in a hazy, painful fog the rest of it.  It’s heartbreaking to have my DD ask if she made me sick because I’m shushing her. 

Getting through the things I need to do is difficult so lifestyle changes have taken a backseat though they’re probably the things that would help the most.  I’m finishing up several projects this week and I’m not taking on anything to replace them until these migraines are under control.  It is no way to live.

My best friend was visiting for nearly a month, just left this weekend, and I miss her terribly.  She is such an inspiriation.  She was here because of life circumstances beyond her control and beyond that of her husband, on her own with three kids until they could join her husband on the other side of the country.  And yet she found time to exercise every day.  Introduced her to Leslie Sansone and she quickly became a fan. 

I just want to get back on track.  And if none of this makes sense, blame it on the migraine.

Molly will be 7 years old on Thursday.  She is 45 pounds, grossly overweight for a beagle.  I will be 37 in December and, well, everyone can see what my weight is!  I am 5′3. 

On Saturday I was outside picking up the back yard and Molly was out there.  She was trying to run and play with the kids.  She was trying to get to the rabbits under the shed.  She wanted to do more, but she could only run in short bursts.  I wanted to cry because I have let her get this way.

As I watched her, I couldn’t help but think of the old saying that pets and their owners begin to resemble each other.  No, I don’t think I look like a beagle, but I am round like she is.  I want to run and play with the kids, but can only do so in short bursts.  And while her main goal in life is to get to the rabbits, a goal I really do not share, there are things that I would like to do just as much.

The more I thought about it, the more I felt like I am neglecting her and being cruel to both her and I.  She loves to go for walks and so do I, but I don’t take her on them nor do I go that often by myself.  I had to ask myself why and could come up with no good reason.  Yes, there are excuses, but no good reasons. 

So, in closing, I am going to take her for a walk, in the dark, recovering from a horrific migraine. 

My husband is changing his work schedule so he can get more sleep and I can get my exercise done first thing in the morning.  I’m not sure how it will all work out, but I think it will be good.  I can handle getting up at 6 a.m. 

On a different note, I don’t think there is anything much cuter than my 3 and 5 year olds doing the Wii Fit run together this morning!  It was so sweet.

Down 2 pounds from my last doctor’s visit and blood pressure is almost down to normal.  Did 15 minutes of exercise this morning instead of just wasting my time.  Might not sound like a lot, but it’s 15 more than I’ve done in 10 days.  Planning to do some more tonight after the kids are in bed. 

Been trying to get things straightened out in my life lately.  Trying to figure out what to do once the kids are in school.  I am pretty sure it will involve going back to school.  One of the local universities has a really good College of Pharmacy.   Have to pick up a couple of classes before applying since I was very anti science classes when I got my BA.  Really biting me in the butt now. 

I have my list of changes that I want to complete.  Now I will start working on them.  Some are being done first not because they’re really important, but because they are time senstive.  My kids will look funny running around in Halloween costumes in November instead of on Halloween.  Of course, my DS will probably be wearing his in November and December and January . . . 

I am going to bug my Mom until she becomes my accountability partner for exercise.  She has had two heart attacks and needs to exercise as much as I do.  Not sure how it will work with there being 1200 miles in between, but I think it needs to be done.

Hope everyone has a wonderful afternoon.

It’s so simple - eat the right amount of healthy foods and exercise.  How much easier could it be?  Then why is it so damn hard?  I look in the mirror and vow to change what I see.  I have the healthy food in the house.  I have the exercise DVD’s that I like; I have Wii Fit.  I’ve two functioning legs and plenty of walking routes.  So why do I not lose weight?! 

How do I get beyond the excuses?  Some are real.  It’s hard to exercise when just breathing causes coughing so painful it feels like a lung is going to come up.  But I haven’t been that sick for a week now.  Getting my migraines under control has forced me to accept that getting up earlier is not a good idea.  But let’s see, I still have 16 plus hours a day to get in 60 minutes of exercise.  Eating healthy isn’t hard - I don’t keep much junk food around.  So why do I mess up a perfectly good banana with peanut butter and chocolate syrup? 

I’ve tried over analyzing, under analyzing, planning, not planning, calorie counting, no counting, excessive exercise, excessive food control.  I get so freakin’ tired of it all.  I want to quit sometimes, until I see my reflection in the mirror.  Oh, and having my darling 5 yo daughter say I need to shrink to fit into a shirt . . .  Well, I am not going to quit.  I just need to figure out how to get moving forward again.