The darkness is overwhelming
Okay, this probably won’t have much to do with weightloss, but then again, doesn’t everything affect it? I would have posted it elsewhere, but I just need to get it out and some of it will be issues with people I deal with on occasion in person that I don’t want to. Won’t be offended if you stop reading here. Heck, I won’t even know!
I have been a member of a moms group for two years. For the past year I have done the newsletter and attended playgroups and other things that I could work around the kids schedules. In July a new board took over and things with the newsletter just went from bad to worse. Everything I did was edited within an inch of it’s life by someone who hasn’t dealt with grammar since high school. I have gotten jobs based on one sample of my writing so I know that I have a good style most of the time. This last newsletter I wrote the main article and it was nit picked beyond belief. I really don’t give a damn if she likes what I wrote, but for Pete’s sake, don’t insist on corrections that aren’t even correct. To top it off, she wanted the name of the person who is going to be doing the newletter next month put in as having done this issue.
The whole thing has me down. After two years, I have decided not to renew my membership. There are 2 people in the club who may know my name if they were to see me in public and I seriously question if they would even say hello. How pathetic am I that after 2 years of trying to be friends with these women that I can honestly say that I have no friends in Ohio? I really don’t know what to do about it. I hosted play groups - no one came. The one that 2 people came to, they stood in the front yard and talked for a half hour after they’d “left.” Any that I attend, there are definite groups that have no interest in anyone new.
Making friends has never been easy. As an adult I’m finding it impossible when it is in person. I feel like I’m some sort of alien with 3 heads and purple, hairy feet. I don’t want to resign myself to the 3 close friends that have always been there, especially considering the all live on the East Coast. I’m not discounting my husband, but it’s not the same as having female friends. I know that having spouses, children, other responsibilites make developing friendships difficult, but is it impossible?
The question I keep asking myself is this - Is my depression causing the loneliness or is the loneliness causing the depression? I have crying for the better part of two day when my kids and husband aren’t paying attention. I probably shouldn’t even publish this, but keeping it in isn’t helping either. I just needed to get it out. Maybe it will help.
I would have done the same thing. You tried and they are the ones with the problems. I don’t have many friends where I’m at but the ones I have are great. It is hard making friends as adults. You are right. Nothing replaces female friends. My best friend is my sister in law so it’s still family. I will keep you in my prayers and hope things get better for you. If you need to talk or what ever, feel free to message me. Keep your head up.
Hey Diane. I don’t think you are pathetic because you don’t really have any friends in Ohio. You tried and that is what matters. Maybe it is time to move on from the group and try something new. I made friends pretty easily when I moved to Ohio but I was only 19 and had no kids. Now, I am back in my home state and really don’t have any more friends than I did when I was in high school. Actually, I have less. Friends are hard to come by, really good ones that is. I totally can relate to what you are dealing with. All I can say is that you keep trying to get yourself out there and not let the depression take you over. You only feel worse when you try to keep things in and distance yourself from other people. I wish you all the best Diane. Smile and take care of yourself!
Diana, sorry things are so rough ! I think maybe you need to find a new group of friends ! These people you are hanging around are mean , rude ,and judgemental ! I don’t think it’s impossible to make friends when you are a wife,and mom ! I too suffer from terrible depression , and know the overwhelming feelings that no one cares but you are wrong I care!Please don’t give up hon you can do anything you put your mind to ! If you need an need an ear to bend I’m here ! Kimmi
So sorry things are so dark. i moved last summer and i, too, have struggled with making friends and community. i def got depressed and put on weight this last year b/c of it. then it makes me feel less than which is a hard place to come from for meeting people. it’s a yucky cycle. i kept going to different mom’s groups and activities and have made a few close friends, but i had to keep trying over and over and over - oh, it’s so hard - it was really WORK. therapy is good too if you can get some to help with the blues! write me as well i feel ya!
Maybe the answer to your questions is that both questions are right. The lonliness is contributing to the depression and the depression is causing lonliness because you can’t trust anyone enough to begin a new friendship because they might let you down. I’m going through some of the very things you are going through too. Seems like I can never find a good match for myself and if I do, that person ends up moving away or not staying in my town for very long. But maybe in your case at this moment it’s just that those women and you are not good matches. Some people join groups to meet new people (like you and I) and some join groups to rule things or be in charge and cause drama. Maybe it’s time you and I both take charge of what we want and start new groups are selves and make it the way we want it. Start one in your own area. I’ve learned that alot of people are in the same boat as ourselves and we just need to connect with them. It might be slow at first, but just give it a go. In my area I recently joined a group that has coffee mondays and some moms show up at the Starbucks and chit chat. Some come and some don’t. And I’m not sure if we are great matches in my group or not but I’m forcing myself to go on the off chance I make a good connection. I may start my own group this year for a couples thing with kids. If we want it, we can make it happen. You are a good person and you deserve good people if your life. If this group is not lifting your spirits, then maybe it’s time to leave. Women should be supporting each other and not bringing each other down. And on another note, you could join a bunch of groups and not one be good for you. Just like dating. You could date a bunch of men and not one be the “one”. But, then one guy comes along and he’s it. Same with women groups or any group out there. Don’t let a bunch of overbearing women get you down. They simply aren’t worth it. But, I can so relate.