Diane

Okay, I know I complain about my husband a lot so I thought I should say something of his attributes as well.  He is a quality control engineer for a company making sure future jet engines don’t stall when they’re not supposed to and stop when they should.  His latest task was accomplished with no failures on the first attempt so everyone was VERY happy and the first time that has happened.  He got a sizable reward and instead of spending it on himself, he bought me the digital camera body I’ve been wanting since it hit the market.  He didn’t even look for anything else.  I feel a little guilty about it, but I don’t want to diminish how happy he was to do that for me so I will keep that to myself.

Even though he gets on my last nerve sometimes, he really is a good husband and a good father.  He does support me in just about anything I want to try whether it is health related or some other off the wall thing.  He puts our son to bed every night, plays with both kids before bed, bathes them when I need him to, and does try to give me time for myself.  He just doesn’t understand that my idea of time for myself is different than his. 

I guess what I’m saying is, when I complain about him, please take it with a grain of salt.  When I’m ticked I tend to make him sound like the biggest jerk in the world because that’s what I’m thinking at the time.  Most of the time he’s not.  Of course, I’m comparing him to my perfect self so who wouldn’t fall short?!     

They were screaming out to me from every aisle in Wal-Mart.  Diet pill, with their promises of quick, effortless weightloss.  I was so tempted even though the couple I’ve tried in the past didn’t work.  I just want something to be simple right now.  I guess it really is - eat less of the wrong things and exercise.  It sounds so simple.

The past few weeks have been tough, especially the past few days.  I reverted to my old way of dealing with stress - eating the wrong things and way too much of them.  I think I’ve gotten myself back under control.  I only gained one pound back of what I’d lost.  If I stay on track, that should be gone by the end of the week. 

What I really need is a break.  The most time I have had to myself in 4 years is less than an hour.  Sure, I can go to a class or shopping, but I would like to be able to sit down and play the piano for an hour without being climbed on or the piano having 4 other hands on it.  I’d like to read uninterruped for a few minutes.  I want what my sister’s-in-law have - my parents to take the kids for a few hours or, gasp, over night!  For just one evening I’d like to not be the one listening to the monitor or the one being woke up in the middle of the night.  Why does “time for myself” have to be away from the house?!  What kind of break is that?!  Not like I’m going to a spa or anything.  Even when I can get to the gym, I’m always looking over my shoulder for a childcare person coming to get me.  Is there something unwritten that states a stay at home mom has to be on 24/7 and the dad gets to be on duty when he feels like it in a back up roll?  How am I supposed to know when my 2 year old is crying if it’s because he wants his pacifier, blanket, toy or just because he doesn’t want to go to sleep?  Seems like I’m supposed to know, according to hubby, but I haven’t figured out how to see through walls yet.

Sorry for the rant.    Today I had to listen to my husband complain about the virus that I had while the kids were sick (he didn’t stay home from work to help) and my sister-in-law complain that my mom couldn’t watch the kids today even though I know Mom has had them almost every day for the past 2 weeks.  Life.  It got the better of me today.

I have a very unwanted incentive to change my family’s eating habits.   My daughter was officially diagnosed with a migraine today.  The doctor could come up with no other explination for why light made her stomach hurt.  I have been trying not to cry in front of her, but I know the pain she’s going to have to endure and it kills me.  Of all the things for her to inherit, this is one of the worst in my family. 

I have to change the way we all eat because, chances are, my son will have them worse than either she or I.  Men in my family generally do.  I pray to God he takes after his Dad who has had 2 non-hangover headaches in his life.  If I can prevent even one migraine for either of them by dietary changes, I am willing to do almost anything.   I am kicking myself for it taking her getting one bad enough for the doctor to diagnosis her for me to consider changing things.  I’m just glad that the doctor didn’t give me the old line of - “A 4 year-old can’t get migraines.” 

But kicking myself doesn’t get the job done.  I have all the books and now will go use them!  Thanks for listening.