Diane

I have been attempting to do some reasearch on the internet and still have no answer.  Does the body know the difference between not eating because of illness and not eating for self starvation?  No, I’m not starving myself!  I don’t want to screw up my metabolism by not eating when I am sick, but I really don’t feel like eating either.  I’ve been rather ill lately so I haven’t been eating very much and I’m hoping it won’t mess things up.  I’d gotten to my mini goal before getting sick, but just wanted to make sure I was going to stay there or below before posting about it. 

Does anyone have any insight on this?  It’s more a matter of really not being able to eat much for the next couple of days, until my system gets cleared out, so about a week total.  Is that going to mess up my metabolism?

I finally got to my mini goal this morning.  I was pretty happy to see that number!  I finally stopped kicking myself for not working harder to get there and now I’ve arrived.  Okay, I’m having a major brain blank at the moment so I’m not going to ramble on trying to remember what I was going to write.

Have a happy day all.

How many times have you heard that the camera adds 10 pounds?  Well, they don’t - the one I have adds 150!  It has to ’cause there’s no way I look that bad!  My kids love to watch themselves on video so I hooke my camcorder up to the tv in the playroom and just set it running with no tape.  Yikes.  Walking in front of that thing is not a pretty sight.  It’s got to be the camera and lighting.  Now if I can just figure out how to make the lighting take off 150, would settle for 120 off, and walk around in that lighting all the time.  I do believe, though, that lighting is called darkness.  Lucky me.  Too bad I’m not a cat.

I am so annoyed at the photo place where we had my daughter’s 4 year pictures taken.  They called today and none of the ones with the number in it (very important to her) came out.  To make matters worse, her waist length hair was cut to just below her shoulders this past weekend.  She is going in for a reshoot this coming weekend, but her hair is gone.  She looks so grown up with her new haircut and I really wanted those last pictures of my baby girl. 

Time to feed the dogs and then walk them.  It’s getting dark so early now that I am having to walk in the dark by the time the kids are in bed.  Don’t really like that, but it’s a safe neighborhood.

That phrase has been a part of my life since before I can remember.   Nothing will get done well if there isn’t a desire to do so.  If I could have a dollar for all the times I’ve said I want to lose weight, that I want to be healthier, that I want to look better, I’d be a very wealthy woman.  Now, if I could have a dollar for all the times I’ve said it and truely had the desire to make the changes needed to make it happen, well, I’d have a few bucks. 

Just about everyone who has ever struggled with being overweight knows that  they’re supposed to say all those things, but for me, it has taken a very long time to have the desire to mean what I say in this area.  No, I’ve never liked being overweight, but change wasn’t high on my list either.  Did I like the reflection in the mirror? Not really, so I stopped looking any longer than I had to.  Things have changed.  I now have the desire to really change and it has nothing to do with a piece of silverbacked glass on the wall.

This time it has been so much more difficult to get to this point.  The last time I lost a lot of weight my life was so different.  The weight just dropped off without any thought of trying to lose weight.  I ate what I wanted, had to walk everywhere and, most days, had to walk at least a mile just to have food for the day.  Small fridge, 8 people sharing it.  This time it has required me to make a lot of changes, changes I didn’t really want to make because I didn’t really have the desire to change. 

I’ve definitely had my ups and downs this year, but, with the encouragement of my buddies here, I have managed not to gain back the 25 pounds I’d lost.  Fueled by the success of Tasha and Wonder Woman among others, I can finally say - Yes, I have the desire to finish this thing once and for all.  I have the desire to take my kids mountain climbing (if we ever get to some mountains!).  Yes, I have the desire to be happy, healthy and the best Mom and wife I’ve not been letting myself be. 

There will be no more faking it till I make it because I don’t have to fake the desire to exercise and eat healthy anymore.

Did anyone else watch last night?  I was so annoyed with the tone that Allison Sweeney used, at the director’s instruction no doubt, when anyone lost less than 10 pounds.  It was like, “Oh, you poor dear, you only lost 2 pounds this week.”  Too bad they actually stayed hydrated for a change!  Reading what some former contestants have said about what they put their bodies through to lose those extreme amounts of weight has left me a little wary of the shows over all message anyway.  How they gain 10 pounds in a week just by drinking 64 ounces of water a day once they leave the show and such.  Last week I was also annoyed that Bob thought it was great to see one of his female team memebers working out to the point of throwing up.   Maybe it’s just me, don’t really think so though, but if I’m throwing up during a workout and don’t have a stomach bug, then my body is trying to tell me to back off.

For the most part, I do enjoy watching this show, but I have now put it in the leagues of all the other prime time shows - something I don’t let my children watch.  There is no way I’m going to let my 4 year old daughter think that the methods used on the show are the proper way to lose weight.  Obviously my daughter and son will see their Dad and I working to lose weight.  My goal as their mother, though, is to give them all the tools they need to never have to lose weight.  There is no quick fix as The Biggest Loser tries to imply.  It is slow and steady as Ash pointed out in his blog.  That is the example my kids need, not Bob, Kim and Jillian.

Ever notice how they’re the hardest things to do?  It’s so much simpler to not go back after that second helping than it is to lose the 1 pound I put on because of it.  It’s so much simpler to not buy the junk food than to have the will power not to eat it when it’s in the house.  Simple, but not easier. 

I’m trying to work on the simple things this time around.  Instead of complex exercise plans and diets, I’m trying to do the simple things.  To do, instead of just plan.   I’m taking it one meal at a time, one section of the day at a time.  Just eat a healthy breakfast then get housework done and go to the gym or take my daughter to class.  Have a healthy lunch, exercise if I didn’t in the morning and/or get something organized that needs to be done while my son naps.  Then play with the kids until I have to make dinner.  It’s not complicated, but I am having trouble doing that.  It’s so much easier to not change my habits.  But the simple things are helping.  No junk food in the house, no seconds, no excuses for not exercising.

I’m taking back my simple life.  Once I get that down pat, I’ll work on the more complicated issues that have a way of finding me.  Hopefully I won’t get blindsided by something right away! 

Almost forgot, I’m now 5th out of 53 in overall calories burned and 6th in weight lifted out of 53 at my gym for women 30-39.  And I haven’t done my cardio for the day yet. 

I made it to the gym this morning and got in both types of workouts.  I love the logging system that they have.  I never have to remember what weight I did last or what settings I need the machines on to do the exercise properly and it logs it all in for me.  Any cardio that I do I can log in either there or at home.  For someone who appears quite disorganized, I really do like charts and graphs and such.  I am currently ranked 9th for the month in overall exercise out of 51 women in my age group.

My favorite part of the day was actually getting to watch my daughter’s gymnastics class.  James got home in time so I didn’t have to take my son with me.  He’s 2 and wants to be where ever his big sister is.  I had dinner in the oven that James took out before I got home so it was cool and I could feed the kids at normal time instead of rushing around trying to figure out what to fix.

I did something major today, for me anyway.  I made lasagna and only had one small piece for dinner.  A large percentage of my heritage is Italian and I’m sure my love of Italian food is a major factor in my weight issues.  I kept looking at the pan of it on the stove and then rinsed my plate and cut up a kiwi fruit to fill up more with.  Not only did it help me, but my kids were very happy with their dessert of kiwi and pineapple.  Little Debbie will not see this house again for a while.

That is all from this front.  I’m tired so I’m going to do something else I don’t typically do for myself - go to bed.

I didn’t make it on the walk yesterday.  Part of the new me is trying to listen to my body and not just push, push, push.  It was hot, humid and raining when I woke up.  In those conditions I will always get a migraine if I’m outside too long.  I know this from 35 years of experience.  It’s one thing if I already have the migraine to try to work through it, but to not have one and knowingly do something to trigger one - that I am not willing to do.  Yes, I would have loved to go, but I didn’t feel that I was letting anyone down by not doing so.  There will be other walks on better days.

I’m going into week two of my new lifestyle and so far so good, I think.  Scales are still off limits, but I’ve been pretty consistent about everything else.  A couple of friends are joining me in making these changes so it should be interesting.   I was actually pretty proud of myself yesterday.  Our power went out (almost the entire city) just as I was getting ready to make lunch so we had to go out to eat.   I got a black bean burger with steamed veggies instead of fries and the kids had grilled chicken with healthy sides as well.  They both liked the black beans and corn on the cob better than anything else.  James didn’t go quite as healthy, but did better than normal.

I hope everyone has a happy, healthy week.

I have exercised for the past 3 days as I’d planned.  This morning I couldn’t make it to they gym so I took the dogs for a walk this evening.  I was planning to go for longer, but I didn’t feel like walking in the rain.  My beagle doesn’t like water except to drink and was not behaving very well.  I did still get my minimum cardio in.  Wasn’t planning on doing any weights today so I’m still on track. Now the silly part, or down right stupid.  I hadn’t lifted weights in about 6 weeks but that never crossed my mind when I went in to do my work out on Wednesday or Thursday.  I didn’t adjust the weight down just slightly to factor inactivity in.  OMG!  I have never been so sore!  I have really got to think about things a little bit sometimes but not over think them to the point of talking myself out of them.   I must admit, it feels good to know that I’ve accomplished what I set out to do this week.  I may be sore, but it will definitely make me stronger.   I’ve also made the decision not to slack off on the weekends.  Saturdays I probably won’t do more than 30 minutes because they’re always really busy, but Sundays aren’t.  Well, this Sunday is, but that is because I’m doing my first 5K walk.  Just hoping hubby doesn’t have to work because I don’t want to take the kids in a stroller. 

Last night after I wrote my last blog I did some serious thinking and decided I really need to get over myself.  Thank you to those of you who commented on the post, giving me the reinforcement that I’m not alone and the kick in the pants to stop being my own little rain cloud. 

I planned to go to the gym this morning at 9, when ChildWatch opened.  9 came and went; 10 came and went and I was still at home.  I’d even dressed in sweats and an old t, something I NEVER do unless I’m going to exercise, yet I was still at home making excuses for why I couldn’t get out the door.  I’m too tired.  The kids aren’t dressed.  The dogs are outside.  That is truly how pathetic they were getting.  So, I got the dogs in, the kids dressed and walked out the door figuring if I was already tired, what difference did the degree of it matter. Did a lower body strength routine and then more than 30 minutes on the elliptical machine, making sure I was in my target heart range for 30 minutes.  I did 2.1 miles in 30 minutes.  There is no reason in the world that I can’t take one hour a day and go to the gym at least 5 days a week.  Not like I’m the CEO of a company or anything.  I don’t have to worry about being interrupted as my son now enjoys going, after 30 seconds of crying while I’m walking out the door.  (They do learn guilt trips early!)  I get both my workouts in and if I want to do an extra 15 minutes, no one is going to care.  And if I can’t get there during the day, well, they’re open until 10.